The mind can be a tricky thing. It can make you believe lies that have no evidence of their truth. The mind can warp reality until what you believe is a fun house of mirrors stretching the truth and feeding into the doubt. I have dealt with these mirrors most of my life. What I learned is that I cannot beat my mind into submission. If I try to go toe to toe with a mind that will not listen, I will get my teeth knocked in. So, if force isn’t the solution, what is?
The technique I use is called mental judo. Like real judo, I do not use force or strength to overcome my opponent. Instead, I turn my thoughts around. This technique uses the mind’s own momentum against it. It’s a fantastic way of dealing with a mind that will not listen. But how?
What I do is have a question ready when my mind will not behave. The most powerful question for me is “What do I need right now?” This functions to both concentrate my attention and force my mind to come up with an answer to the question. For example, as I wrote this, I felt anxiety and anger build within me. Instead of ignoring them and bulldozing my way through the emotions, I asked myself, “What do I need right now?” And the answer my mind generated was “I need to complete this blog post so I will feel a sense of achievement.” And so, I got back to work. The great part about asking my mind a direct, specific question is that it stops the spiraling and helps me find a solution.
I have used this question a lot to help me understand what is going on with me and what I can do to feel better. I sometimes do not want to face my problems; my therapist has told me repeatedly I am very good at avoiding. But when I ask this question, it forces me to confront those uncomfortable issues and find out what I can do now to address them.
I have found great power in questions. The mind is a very powerful organ that can solve complex problems if only we know how to harness its power. The trick I have found for myself isn’t asking perfect questions but having the courage to ask them.
Sometimes my mind will produce answers I don’t like, such as telling me I’m procrastinating, avoiding, or waiting for the perfect opportunity to act. The answers can be uncomfortable, but they often help me recognize what I’ve been avoiding.
Mental judo has helped me get through some rough times. It has allowed me to make better choices when I otherwise wouldn’t have. It is something that I have gotten better at with practice, like any skill. Without it, I wouldn’t have gotten a 4.0 in graduate school so far or stayed sober. It’s a practice I stumbled upon during a time of great pain. But I feel lucky to have learned it. All that is left for me now is to have the courage to keep using it. And maybe it could help you too.
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