Years ago, when my life was aflame from mental illness and trauma, I imagined that one day my life would be easy. If I could only get a handle on my problems, I wouldn’t struggle anymore. I thought I would find the “easy button.” A way of life that would make everything great.
Now, after seven solid years of struggling and figuring out my life, I understand the truth: there is no easy button. There never was.
It was a lie I chose to believe to give myself light at the end of the tunnel. Something to wake up for. Hope that kept me going when my world was dark.
Finding My True North
It may seem bleak to think my life will never be easy. Instead, it is a truth in a web of lies. With my bipolar disorder, trauma history, and addictive personality, this stark truth will act as a compass. It shows me that the hard things will guide me to a better life.
If I don’t want to do something like go to therapy, work out, meditate, or clean my apartment, then that is exactly what I must do. The difficult things in my life act as a true north. A light to cast away the shadows.
Embracing the Discomfort
This truth of a hard life is something I recently discovered. It was something deep down I think I knew but didn’t want to face or believe. But understanding this truth has been a game changer. I no longer push away the discomfort, even though I want to. Like the Navy SEALs say, “Embrace the suck.”
I have found that trying to push away the discomfort is a lot like attempting to keep a basketball underwater. I can do it for a while. But eventually I will tire, and the ball will break the surface and hit me in the mouth.
It is the same with discomfort. I can either “embrace the suck” or push it away. But either way, it will come to me in the end.
Getting Back Up
To be clear, I don’t go out of my way to look for pain. But I also no longer go the long way around avoiding discomfort. And truthfully, I know I will fail at both.
The only thing I can control is getting back up after I fail. I think if I do this enough times, I might be successful. Life will keep knocking me down—no way around that. My only choice is to get back up and keep walking.
A Life Worth Living
It would be nice to have an easy life. To wake up, go to work, come home, and not have to fight to stay intact. I wish there was an easy way (Lord knows I’ve searched for it).
It’s too early to tell how embracing the suck and ending my quest for an easier life will change things. All I can do is keep showing up and see what happens.
Here’s to a hard life (and knowing it is a life worth living)!
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