Historically, I have white-knuckled my way through hard times. I thought I was tough enough to handle anything. Like a rock being beaten by the ocean, I just needed to hold on for the tide to turn.
But that was in my youth. I’m 40 now, and I’m learning that white knuckling doesn’t work that well.
So, what am I doing instead?
Questions Are Powerful
In my decade of therapy, I was asked thousands of questions. Most of them made me uncomfortable. Some made me want to run out of the room and never come back.
But I have an understanding about questions now. Questions are powerful. They force my mind to think and come up with a solution.
Recently, I’ve discovered a very potent question that reaches the core of my problems very quickly.
What do I need right now?
What Do I Need?
This question is “What do I need right now?” The key to this question is the words “need” and “right now”.
They don’t ask what I want, which would have me driving to the liquor store to buy a six pack of Busch Light tall boys. Instead, the word “need” directs me toward what will actually help.
Those answers are much more healing than simply forgetting my pain for a few hours. It forces me to face what I am running from and find a solution.
What Do I Need Right Now?
The second part of the question is “right now?” It is asking what do I need at this moment. And that is key because it forces me to take stock of what is going on in the immediate. It is a key to solving the problem.
For example, I woke up fighting mad a few days ago and wanted to take something to numb myself. Instead, I asked myself, “What do I need right now?”
The answer I came to was “I need to calm down.”
So, I meditated for 10 minutes. It was uncomfortable, but after those 10 minutes I was able to let the anger pass without having to numb it.
The Courage to Ask
I have found this question very useful for all kinds of problems and situations. My problem is I must have the courage to ask it.
Sometimes I don’t like the answers I get. But I have yet to be steered wrong by this question.
Asking pointed, direct questions is how I have stopped white knuckling my problems. It is what I have learned after 10 years of therapy.
I think it’s a superpower. I just have to keep asking them.
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